Attack of the Hockey Mom’s

Posted: 10/26/2010 by bc in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Jenelyn Russo and Suz Broughton with their Girls on the Glass piece really got Retired Hockey Mom and I reminiscing about our days at the rink. What follows, Attack of the Hockey Mom’s, is true.

First practice after Christmas is always special for young hockey players. It is of course their first real chance to tryout the new gear. I was coaching Mites that year. Great age. They either still believe in Santa or pretend very well to believe just in case.

On the drive to the rink I mentioned to the now Retired Hockey Mom that I was going to have some fun with the kids today.

The kids took the ice and performed their usual warm ups. The Mom’s  gathered in their usual groups as well. There was the main group, about six Mom’s sitting up in the stands watching the kids practicing. Another group of gals along the glass. Another “I’m not freezin’ my toosh” group were chatting in the warm room.

Warm ups for Mite aged kids, 4-6 year olds, are short. Just how much stretching do they need when they’re constantly stretching anyway. Don’t believe me, just ask as any parent on their way to Target.

I called the kids to center ice. Spotting what was obviously a new helmet, I invited a kid step forward so we could test it. I gave a tap on the head with my stick and asked if it hurt. “No coach.” he said.

Pretty soon the kids are pointing to each piece of new equipment and asking that I test it too. We’re having a great time. The kids are laughing, battling to be next and ordering, “Whack me coach” as I give them taps with my stick testing gloves, pads, helmets etc.

Unbeknownst to me the Mom’s had decided they weren’t sure if they approved what they were seeing on the ice. They were no longer in different groups but had come together and formed one group. It was quickly becoming an angry mob.

Even the “I’m not freezin’ my toosh” Mom’s in the warm room had come out to appraise the goings on.

Meanwhile, I’m at center ice, apparently in their eyes, beating their children with a hockey stick. One Mom said, “I wonder how he’d like it if I whacked him with a hockey stick.” which was met with affirming, “yeah…YEAH.’ And then one upped the ante, “Whack him? I’m going to shove a stick so far up he chokes on it.”

With that they had really had become pit bulls in lipstick. Retired Hockey Mom pleaded with them to at least wait and be sure their kids were hurt before they killed her husband. “If even one child is hurt give me a stick and I’ll whack him with you.”

The Mom’s agreed. They would first check for injuries before inflicting same and then some upon me.

You’ve maybe heard the expression, timing is everything? The pit bulls in lipstick arrived at the bench just as I was about finished whacking the kids. I noticed the Mom’s, thought it odd but continued, “Aren’t you kids lucky to have parents who love and buy you all this great stuff? Now none of you has to worry about getting hurt. You can just play and have fun.”

I took a second to look into the eyes of our less confident kids and it worked. “Superman drill!” I shouted. “YAY” they hollered back. The Mom’s drifted away from the bench and fell back into their familiar groups.

After practice. And after helping undo skate laces, wiping blades, pulling off jerseys and pads, the kids began hugging and kissing their parents and thanking them for the new equipment. It must have started with one and then went right through the room.

I even heard a few explain how Coach tested it by beating them with his stick and didn’t hurt.

It wasn’t until we were in the parking lot when a couple of hockey Mom’s approached and explained what happened. How the now Retired Hockey Mom had save my life, by convincing them to make sure their kids were hurt before they beat me with a hockey stick.

That was when I first learned of the Attack of the Hockey Mom’s at practice that morning. I knew then that I owed the now Retired Hockey Mom my life.


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